A short story for you.  See, Aaron challenged me the other day to try and write a short story without using the letter E once.  He thought it would keep me from being bored. He was fucking right! That's hard as shit to do.  But I did it.  Ok, I *sort of* did it.  I used the letter E one time.  But it's because I just had way tooooooo good a use for it for me not too.  You'll see what I mean. It's not b/c I couldn't think of something.  I made a willful choice to defy the E rule just one effin time.  Sue me!  (BTW...count how many Es are in this pre-rant and maybe you'll get an idea of how hard it is to write a story without one).  So...without further ado, here it is!

     I'm sick of my virginity.  I'm 32!  hat's too fucking old god dammit!!!  I am going to go out an find a fuck buddy.  I'm going to find him TODAY!!!!  This morning is my LAST as a virgin.  And I think I know who my lucky guy is:  Aaron at Max Foods.  Isn't much to look at, I admit, but DAMN is that guy smart.  That's sooooo hot.  Smart guys rock!  And soooo funny.  nd I know aron plays alot of sports.  MMMMMMmmmmm.  Lot's of stamina.  Haha, good thing for him.  Juan said aron wants a woman with a big ass.  Thanks GOD!  That guys is gonna *drool* with my badonkadonk.  Hmmm. Would aron fuck my ass too?  I plan to find out!  I'm only afraid of that thing with his socks.  What's that about? Not as if I can say anything about that though.  I had justabout anything but a parking conE in my pussy.  Oh....and a man, obviously.  DAMN IT!!! Fuck this shit.  I'm going to Max Foods right now.  I can't wait till his shift is up.  I'm gonna bang him right in a bunch of old shopping carts out back. 

Hehe.  What'd you think?  Aaron liked it.  Said I won that round b/c I used the word "badonkadonk."  I was pretty proud of that myself.   Here's Aaron's story:

Okay class. Today I am going to inform you about Sara's ass. Sara, would you so kindly stand up in front and drop your skirt? Thank you. Hmm... it is amazingly round... and it sticks out, but is still tight. Don't think Sara's ass is paramount though, for it occasionally squirts putrid blobs that form a horrid filth on our floor. Ok Sara, you may sit down now. Now, turn your books to unit six and study why socks attract ants and march in millions. I'm going to my car for a bit. Don't talk loud during my void.

Haha. That was great. But my was still better.  AND longer.  So guys, there you have it.  Now I dare you to take up the challenge.  Reply to me with your stories! 

ByeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee

So hi guys! It's be awhile since I've writen.  This summer has been......WOW! Too much for me to get into. Mad ups and downs. I came to post a few times over the course of the season but my stupid ass forgot how.   Obviously I have seen found the button.  I'll about it in awhile. Right now it's just too much for me to care though

Later!

I'm a fuckin mess right now.

I just recently...REALLY recently signed up to try Mary Kay.  I'm pretty scared of failure.  And I'm getting ZERO support from anyone around me.  Everyone's trying to talk me out of it, for all their varying reasons.  Aaron doesn't think I can make enough money.  Sofie doesn't thing I'm fashionable enough. Mom just flat out doesnt' believe in me at all.  It all feels like some horrible weight added to me.

No one seems to get how scary this is for me.  What if I don't succeed? What if I can't keep myself focused and make my calls and my bookings?  What if I'm weak and just take "No" for an answer right away.  What if I don't have the guts to even approach people?  This is what I want to do with the rest of my life.  If I can't do it, everything I've wanted for myself and my life the past 6 years or so has been meaningless.  That's a really big burden on my mind.

I try to block it out, but it's hard when everyone echoes my fears verbally.  How can I keep a positive attitude when the only people that seem to believe in me are my recruiters (of COURSE...like I can believe them.  They dont' even know me) and Judea of all people.

This is all going pretty fast and it's very overwhelming and I just want to hear one person in my life say "You know what Kerri? You're smart and your sweet and your passionate and I'm sure you'll do great if you put the work into it"  Pff!  Yeah Right.

How do I teach myself how to stop dreaming?

Fucking fish man!  Being a pisces sucks sometimes.  There's so much I want to do with my life.......and I have SOOOOOOOOO much potential.   But I don't know how to make myself utilize it.   I never....stick with anything.  Since I came back from Cali I decided to lose weight.  Set my goal on losing 20 lbs by the time I flew back out.  I was doing REALLY well too.  I was at 11, over half way...then I just, stopped being so strict with myself.  I lost my drive and decided to just kick back and enjoy life.  "I'll make it up tommorrow....next week.....eventually."  Always eventually.  But NEVER eventually. 

I'm the same with Tang Soo Do.  I LOVE it.  I love the changes it's made in me, physically and in my confident.  But I could be SOOOOOOOOOOO much further along than I am but I don't keep the drive to get there every class.  I'm a 5th gup.  If I was up to date..I'd be 2nd gup by now.  I'm 3 ranks behind b/c I'm content to dream about getting there eventually. "One class won't hurt"  But when I look at it now.....that's about nine months worth of "one class"

I'm not any better in school.  This'll be my 4th year at Montco.  To graduate with JUST my Bus. Admin. degree I still need Stat 1 and 2, Eng 2, Micro AND Macroeconomics, an additonal math, a lab science, and I think maybe one more elective credit.  I'm no where CLOSE to the art degree I also wanted.   I like Montco too much so I dont' push myself to move on with my life at all.

How do I prevent myself from waking up one day and realizing of done absolutely nothing?

Why is it that I only ever want guys that I have 0 chance with?  Who's the latest.  This guy at work named Justin.  I have SUCH a crush on him. . .it's very irritating.  WHY is he completely inaccessible to me?  B/C he's too cute? Too popular? Too this too that? Noooooooooooooooooope.  None of those usual low self esteem reasons.  This time he's just too damn engaged.  He's going to be a husband in July.  DAMMIT!   I haven't felt a connection to someone like him in a looooooong time.   We flirt alllllllllllll the time.   We laugh all the time.  When we're serving and we have sections that are completely in opposite directions we come and visit eachother.   I always feel so at ease around him.  I never feel embarassed or shy or stupid or like i'm not good enough.   I can (and have) say anything to him.   Hehehe......you wouldn't believe some of the things I've come out and said to/around him.  I told him about the thistle tattoo.  I've told him way worse that I'm not going to say on here b/c I'm too embarassed to even share it with the absolutely no one who actually reads my posts.   Not pervy sexy things either.  Just flat out gross and embarassing.   He just laughed.  I laughed.   It's awesome.  I don't even worry about the fat thing.  Way before I found out he was engaged I got the impression from him that my being heavy wouldn't matter.   Like he'd be able to see me w/o looking at me.......does that make sense?   And last week when we were talking he mentioned how his fiance lost 80 lbs on Atkins.  Which means even though she's not fat now, she was once upon a time.  And he was still with her.  So I was right about that too.  And no, that doesn't mean he's been and fat or ugly.  He's medium sized and cute.  Not CUTE, but attractive for sure. 

GAR!!!!!!!!!!  Why?